Beginning

I get frustrated with myself too often. I scrap a song idea or a creative thought because it’s not ‘perfect’ or isn’t going to win a Dove. I think for me, that’s borderline sinful. Songwriting is a difficult process for me because I rarely allow it to be a process. I expect a finished product to pop out before I even start. But that’s dishonest. Expecting too much from myself while straining too little. Honest, human, creative art needs friction because I’ve got edges. Only God can create good with the first take.

So I tested myself today. I created something.

Is it rough? Sure, but I’m not going to let myself fix it. Here it is.

_______________________________

too often i’m scared to create.

the cords and pulleys seem to liberate

(or resuscitate)

only the static and pale lights in me,

the easy fights in me.

one by one

might as well be

none by none.

because the towns and roads,

the dust and gold

the news, the olds

with my nameplate,

my namesakes,

will wither just the same.

o how i wish i could live in complete silence

away from the buses and sirens and violence

and just sit.

unabridged.

unannounced.

just me, the wind,

my breath and my skin

feet planted against

the force of my habits,

the poisonous shadows

of fruitlessness.

a fruitless wish?

only if i permit this tree

to never have the chance to be.

not to thrive or to win,

but only to breathe

the breath to begin.

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