Human Again: Part I

Welcome to the first installment of a two-part post exploring and expounding recent events in my life. A trifecta I tell you! I certainly hope it’s not boring for you. If at any time during your read it does indeed become or seem un-fun or non-unboring, you might try:

Being less cool so my life seems cooler in comparison
Getting over it
Reading through a kaleidoscope.
The long and the short of it: this past week was mindbogglingly difficult. It was jam-packed with hold-onto-my-proverbial-hat-because-obviously-I’m-not-in-control moments.

A week and two days ago (last Tuesday), I picked my car up from the shop after a week long stay. Several unforeseen things were wrong, and it piled up to a hefty chunk of Benjamins. Way more than we had planned. And way more than our newlywed budget could handle. It didn’t put us in the hole or anything, but it was still a scary situation, and very sudden.

That definitely nudged the tension boulder down the slope.

As soon as I got the car, I went down to Tullahoma to rehearse for The Walk, our church’s student ministry retreat at which my band Raimah led worship. It was a great little visit to my hometown with a strange mix of awful.

As soon as I got into town, my brother and I drove to Cowan to hang out with our ailing granddad and had some good ol’ country conversation (which inevitably involves him making fun of me being a Baptist and making sure Jill is still cookin’ good fer me). Honestly, we didn’t talk about much, but I treasure those moments of jovial chit-chat with him that are allowed more than 140 characters. The kind where you’re forced to look up from the screen and into the person’s eyes and follow the rhythm of real conversation and actually be human. It is definitely a waning art. There’s always food at his house, so naturally I helped myself to way too much pork roast, hash brown casserole, and put-hair-on-your-chest coffee. I checked out my uncle’s new gun, and then we had to leave.

On the way home, we stopped and saw my other grandparents. Did I eat more, you ask? Yes. Two pieces of apple pie.

I dropped Adam off, then went to rehearsal. It was a decent rehearsal with minimal time-wasting. I love playing music with those guys.

Then the aweful head of Awful lifted its ugly head and made things awful. Jill and I had an agreement: if it was going to be past 10:00pm CST upon departure, I would stay over the night in Tullahoma so as to not be driving back so stinking late. If not, I would return to m’lady that night and all would be well.

We ended at 11:30pm.


So 10:30pm CST. Even worse.

I mean if it had been midnight, or 2am, that’s a different story, but 10:30?. That’s close enough to the deadline that it looked like I didn’t really care. Like I had intentionally watched a few extra youtube videos with the guys.

Talk about a crappy phone conversation.

Both Jill and I were hoping I would be able to come home that night.

Now, you might think, “What’s the big deal? It’s just a night away.” Well, my friend, obviously you’ve never been married. Or ever talked to a woman. Or met one. To tell the truth, it’s a very empty feeling when your spouse isn’t beside you when you fall asleep. It feels unnatural, like brushing your teeth with your finger. Bear Grylls might do it, but it still feels. Off. The person literally becomes part of you. It’s one of the most incredible things God does, joining two into one. And when that one must pause its oneness and pretend to be two, even for a moment, it hurts. Deep in the gut, like a foully digested bit of beef. I can’t even imagine what the Triune God must have endured between Friday and Sunday.

Now, you might say, “What about a full body pillow?” Well, my friend, that’s just weird.

A sad husband it is whose wife is content with an FBP. Or can’t tell the difference.

My wife definitely has it worse. I feel the off-ness when I have to be away, but most of the time I have something to distract me or to simply occupy my mind. Plus I’m a guy. Give me some chips and salsa and an action movie and I’m set. But she’s a tender, gentile heart, a garden to be tended, and to be away from me really does hurt her. And it strains our family.

So, with a chip in hand and the movie paused, I talked to her until she fell asleep (or I may have just talked her to sleep).

Thus began the end of good, quality time with my wife for a solid 6 days.

Join me next time in Part II to find out how Christopher Robin and the Lost Boys defeated Sauron!